For reynardo

[ambitious_wench]

The danger of untapped maple trees

Dear All Things Considered:

Thank you so much for your April 1st story about the dangers of the untapped maple trees in New England. Living in Rhode Island, I've learned first hand about this hidden danger in my first year in this benighted land. I was horrified as I watched a tree that was improperly tapped explode and kill my siamese cat, Ping with flying splinters of rock-hard wood. She was trying to sharpen her non-existant claws on the bark, when it sent off. I will forever carry the image of her stretched upwards, paws sliding on the bole of the tree in a futile effort, a look of puzzlement on her face as she was skewered by a foot-long splinter.

Every year since then, I've dreaded the arrival of spring, laying awake at night in my fieldstone house and listening to the sound of trees exploding in the bitter, brittle darkness of New England.

Please, please, do not come to New England in the spring, the danger is far to great!

Comments

[djfiggy.livejournal.com]

This sounds like a ploy to prevent New Yorkers, and no-necked New England Patriots fans, from invading your state in the Spring.