Prompt #7: Dialog

[ambitious_wench]

For thetendermuse
Prompt #7: Dialog
Note: The following is inspired by Ernest Hemingway's "Hills like White Elephants". It is one of the very best examples of dialog story-telling I have ever read. It captures subtle nuances of a relationship in only a few words.

I often wondered what happened to Jig and her lover once they arrived in Madrid. This is their conversation after the event that was alluded to in "Hills like White Elephants".
Edit: Thanks to malloc1024 for sharing the Hemingway story in the first place. Mad props, Oh-Too-Quiet-One.


Panteón de Goya

"Are you ok, Jig? You ready to go?"
"I'm fine, let's go."
"You sure? You look a bit tired. You want to rest a bit, first?"
"No, no, I'm fine, I want to go."
"All right, we'll go. Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know, I thought you might have someplace?"
"No, let's just go, maybe get a drink? Perhaps more of that Anis del Toro?"
"If that's what you want. "
The girl stood, the weight of years accumulating on her shoulders and making her movements slow.
"I feel older now. Do I look older?"
"No, you look the same to me, Jig, still my girl. "
"Are you happy again, now?"
"Of course I am. I'm sorry they wouldn't let me in."
"No, no, that's all right."
They left the building, the sun warm on their backs. It was early morning, and the pavement beneath their feet would soon ripple in the heat distortion.
"It wasn't like you said. It ..."
"Did they—"
"No, no, they didn't hurt me, no, not on purpose..."
"Oh, good, so it was simple, just to let the air in..."
The girl said nothing.
They came to the hotel, into the lobby, and then to the bar.

"Dos Anis del Toro, Por favor".
"¿Con agua, Señor?
"Sí, por favor."

"You know, Goya's tomb is on the north side, we could take a cab."
"Yes, if you like."
"Don't be that way, Jig, come on"
"What way? I said yes, if you like."
"There are beautiful frescos of angels in the chapel. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"Yes, it sounds lovely."
"I read it in a guide book in the waiting room, he painted it with the works of St. Anthony".
They drank their Anis del Toro.
"I'm glad it's over", he said with a sigh of relief. "You seem better, now."
The girl was silent.
"You know I love you."
The girl bit her lip, stared at her hands on the table.
"Yes, I know you love me."
She took another sip of the licorice flavored drink, then a sip of water to ease the burn.
"The doctor told me... Not for 2 weeks, until I heal"
The man was silent.
"Nothing, you know... inside. I can still..."
"That's ok, baby, I understand."
"You're upset, I know, aren't you?"
"No, no, I'm fine."
They sipped their drinks.
A woman walked in, her dress clinging to her body, ripe breasts on display. The man looked at her, face expressionless. The girl opened her handbag, withdrew a tube of lipstick, applied it, and then dropped the tube back into the bag, closing it with an audible "Snap!".
She glanced at her companion, followed his line of sight.
"We can try sooner, if you like, but we don't have to...you know..."
The man looked back at her, face worried.
"I don't want to hurt you."
"No, you wouldn't want to hurt me."
The girl looked back at the woman, then down at her drink.
"No, you never wanted to hurt me, ever."
She finished her drink, then stood.
"Let's take a cab to Goya's tomb".

Comments

[morlockx.livejournal.com]

NICE. I could see that happenening after "The Event".

[texas-tiger.livejournal.com]

It's so similar...it's uncanny.

Minor editorial nits (you asked for them)

[malloc1024.livejournal.com]

"You sure, you look a bit tired, you want to rest a bit, first?"
"You sure? You look a bit tired. You want to rest a bit, first?"

"I feel older, now, do I look older?"
"I feel older now. Do I look older?"

Another minor nit is just to let the air in.."
Two dots does not an ellipsis make. Also in one place you use an em-dash instead of an ellpsis. The ellipsis would be more appropriate there.

Oh and from a purely typographic standpoint, use — instead of --.

— --. See.

Re: Minor editorial nits (you asked for them)

[ambitious-wench.livejournal.com]

Aye, that I did. And thank you. Corrections made. And thanks to the text-only email, I see just how you were able to make that amperstand in the typographic comment too!

mercy buckets, mon ami.
E.